Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
