Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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