Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
