roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
