How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
