you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
