with your own penis?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
