Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
