I wanna passion pit in your ass
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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