I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
