By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
