You're completely useless in the revolution.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
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if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
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Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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