Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
