i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize