so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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