I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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