so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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