I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
