I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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