Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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