Someone shit on the floor
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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