cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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