I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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