its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
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just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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