Betty ford says i'm here all night
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
