The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
