oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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