i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
