guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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