Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
