He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
