i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
