I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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