they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
being pregnant is like rehab
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
