My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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