she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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