I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
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The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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