So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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