Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
