My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
