i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My bed smells like the plague
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
