This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
