Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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