I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
