it was like eating out sand paper
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
