the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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