we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
