i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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