I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
