My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
