I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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