can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
