Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
