i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
