bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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