somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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