Where did you get a picture of my penis
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
