I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
