next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize