oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
