STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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