Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
