I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
