capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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