conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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