She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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