I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I understand Curling. That high.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
there is glitter all over my balls
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
