Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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