when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My nipple is on Facebook.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
